Thursday, July 14, 2011

TKMGK 2 - 10



This was the page that was really stalling me out in early readings. So it got the heaviest of edits. Basically Oraku is telling Ayamu that Janson is a clone of a clone of a dictator put into power by Algernon at the end of the Holocaust when Algernon was imprisoned and the TKMGK broken.

(if you can't read some spots let me know)

2 comments:

  1. Interesting, but this version of events doesn't gel for me. I want to show that Algernon was defeated by the TKMGK and Janson only *thinks* Algernon is alive in the computers. This is more mysterious and helps put Algernon in that *Sauron* kind of role where the reader is never really sure that he is still alive. Here I came up with another scenario that will fit into your layout here:
    1- What is Janson?
    2- We know very little.
    3- He came from the Wastelands only very recently.
    4- A human we think.
    5- One of the last.
    6- At first he seemed to be rebuilding the Pyramid Tower for the good of the planet. To help.
    7- But then something- changed- in him.
    8- He's obsessed with finding the TKMGK pieces.
    9- He's created an army of clones to achieve this.
    10- He believes the spirit of Algernon lives on in the mechanized mind of the Tower.
    11- All was lost- we thought- but then *she* appeared...

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  2. He, he, lots of he this he that, can we mix in some different pronouns? Try reading it aloud as though you were Oraku until it sounds unlike machine gun fire. Yet I think I get the gist. Also we already established what changed in Algernon on an earlier page ( the death of his wife)

    In the Algernon origin I used the creation of the Pyramid Tower as what saved the world from oblivion, but the power that the now man/machine hybrid gained warped his mind towards evil, or rather turned off his conscience.

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